His Hair is Fine....
Watford away in the 4th
Round of the FA Cup in one of the most uninspiring draws of all time. It’s a team we’ve played many times recently
in both the Premier League and the Championship and it’s a team in our own
division so in short, it’s boring. I’m
suspecting we will see a much changed side even though we had no mid-week game
last week, nor do we have one next week. It’s a bit of shame but that’s
the way it is.
One player who would’ve been playing today, if he was fit, was
Kamari Doyle. On the face a bit we had a
bit of bad news on Wednesday when it emerged that he was leaving the club and
joining Brighton. The reason for him leaving was the Jimmy Jay Morgan one of
lack of game time. Cough-Bullshit-Cough!
If we delve beneath that headline a little bit, we will see that Doyle
has been injured for the last four months so I don’t know when exactly he was
expecting to play or was in any position to make demands in that regard. He was
fit at the very start of the season and he was fit at the tail end of last
season, so is he leaving because he didn’t get many minutes in the train wreck
that was Ruben Sellers as we got relegated ? What are his prospects of getting
more minutes for Brighton in the Premier League than he would get for Saints in
the Championship and cup games? Is it a
Premier League thing? Maybe stick around
for a few months and and back yourself and team-mates to get back there. Maybe it was assurances of game time that he
was after? It’s such bullshit isn’t it because laughably, as opposed to that,
Doyle has been put in their Under-21 squad, which I guess he knew about when he
signed and he probably won’t even be training with the first team, for fuck‘s
sake.
It’s always disappointing when someone decides to jump ship but how exactly is Jimmy
Jay Morgan getting at that pathway express that is Chelsea? Nothing plausible in that lot, so that kind
of leaves us with good old cash as the reason. For what it’s worth, I’ve only seen Doyle
play a couple of times and he didn’t particularly make an impression and looked
miles away from regularly challenging for a first team place. Good luck to him
but I think we’ve done alright with the £3 million-ish fee. Careful what you wish for. (UPDATE: Somewhat spookily, Russell Martin confirmed virtually every word of this when asked about Doyle's move)
Kamari, Modelling the Brighton U21 kit
Moving on and we are of course getting towards the end of the
silly season and the transfer window and the rumour has been about KWP moving
to Arsenal. There’s no actual quotes or any actual information in any of these
reports but Arsenal is the very worst club but one of your players can be
linked with because social media for your club will be completely and utterly
poisoned until the story goes away, such is the average Arsenal fans keyboard
warrior enthusiasm.
To today and the team – just the 9 changes with only Che Adams and THB remaining from the last league game. Holgate right back, Captain Jack centre back and Jayden Meghoma at left back. A worrying looking midfield of Charles, Rothwell and Alcaraz and Che being flanked up front by Tyler Dibling and Sekou Mara. All I know about Watford’s line up is that Wesley Hoedt is playing.
We start the game pretty well and despite all the changes and settle nicely into the pattern of keeping the ball and probing. However, Watford‘s first break is down our right and over there we have Mason Holgate who is dozing after three minutes and Holgate somewhat clumsily carts over Asprilla on the left-hand corner of the penalty area. He may well have got a bit of the ball there but it looks clumsy and Michael Salisbury, who is always shit, deems it worth a booking. Lumley just has Tyler Dibling as his one-man wall and two seconds later he’s looking rather stupid as the freekick is smashed by Martins, low at the near post and Lumley does a possible impression of someone doing the ‘salmon’ in wriggling across his goal without using his hands and ball nestles in the net. What the fuck was that? The only possible thing I can think of is that Lumley thought it was going wide because it almost look like he pulled his hands away but zero arms goalkeeping is never going to catch on, or catch anything.
Proof That Joe Lumley Has Arms
We haven’t got a midfield – Shea Charles is doing his bit but has no help from Alcaraz who is constantly giving the ball away and Rothwell, who can’t run, can’t tackle and it’s a bit of mystery what he’s about to be honest.
THB doesn’t have a great moment as he puts a totally free header over the bar from a corner and then he has a shocker on his own penalty area on the next attack as he intercepts the ball into the box but can only present the ball to Bayo, who takes a touch before drilling it across at the far corner but it goes just wide. Luckily, Lumley didn’t need his arms for that one.
Half-time and we have basically been fucking dreadful. When you have five players out of eleven dropping 2 out of 10 performances, then there is absolutely no way that you are going to put together any sort of coherent performance. Holgate has been fucking embarrassing, as has Rothwell. Alcaraz has clearly forgotten what colour kit he is playing in and then we have the fish brothers – Sekou Mara who is a fish up a tree and Joe Lumley, who dived across the goal like a fish, because a fish has no arms. I feel a bit sorry for Dibling out on the right, because he’s relying on his fellow right-sided players, Holgate and Rothwell to link up with him. No changes at half-time when to be honest, there could’ve been five, and Saints don’t particularly get any better. A corner from the left is headed out but bounces off of Meghoma, back into the danger zone and Martins has a shot which deflects and Lumley can’t get near it as it bounces off the post. We really should be 3-0 down by this point. 63 minutes and it’s substitution time now and here come some proper players with Stuart Armstrong, Ryan Fraser, Will Smallbone and Adam Armstrong all entering the fray. Off go Joe Rothwell, Shea Charles, Che Adams and Tyler Dibling. Oh look, we’re much better and another fifteen minutes go by before it’s time to throw the sink at it and Sam Amo is on for Jayden Maghoma and so we are going three at the back, Smallbone in midfield and everyone else going for it. Stuart Armstrong looks in the mood right from his introduction and he bursts away from two players down the left before crossing to the back post which is cleared as far as Holgate of all people, who comes steaming in and brings a half decent save out of Bachmann. Holgate is playing like a man possessed now, bursting forward and playing like a proper full back and from his next excursion to the edge of the box he goes Full-KWP and tries to jink past a couple of players before being trashed. For some reason, we allow Alcaraz to take the free kick and we may as well go back to halfway and wait for the goal kick which inevitably follows after he shats it over the bar. The direction of travel of this game has completely changed round now but we’re running out of time as we reach 90 as Watford get deeper and Saints just pile on the attack. Sekou Mara, now playing in his favoured centre forward position, picks up a ball on the right and decides to make his first contribution of the game by smashing it goalwards and Bachmann pushes it out of the edge of the penalty area. In comes Stuart Armstrong, checks inside one player and with everyone expecting him to curl it with the inside of his foot towards the far post he reverses it back to the near post and Bachmann has taken a step the wrong way and is therefore completely fucked, as it rips into the net. There is only one team that looks to win it in the five minutes that remain and we win a corner on the right which is crossed in to the mixer and THB gets up and it’s just inside the post but unfortunately, Bachmann decides to use his arm in very un-Fish like manner and pushes it wide of the post. The End.
At the end of the day, a draw was the result no one wanted but it was a fair result. Watford should’ve been more than one goal in front at half-time, whereas was we were by far the better team in the last half an hour, especially when we brought on some of the proper players. That first half was an absolute shit show in general terms where half of the team as individuals were absolutely shit. Of the five mentioned earlier, at least Lumley, Holgate and Alcaraz improved. Mara had one of those games where you just want to pack him back off to France as soon as possible, taking whatever haircut is necessary on the £10 million that we paid for him. There is no way that any striker in our Under-18s upwards could be as bad as him. Mara is terrible in the wide areas and he’s not strong enough to play in the centre forward position. He stands at roughly six foot, so he’s not small but the way he plays, it looks like he weighs about six stone – breathe on him and he falls over.
Sekou Having Lost the Ball Again, Having Been Breathed on By a Smaller Player
Mason Holgate in the second half was an absolute beast and
was probably our best player and that sums him up. He’s like Ainsley Maitland-Niles
in that he is eminently capable of reaching a very high level but he can’t do
it consistently. Last year, I had this thing about the lack of people in our
squad who could string together three decent games in a row. This is Holgate
and this is why his career has not gone anywhere up till now, he just can’t do
it consistently and you end up being amazed when he hits a high-level and not
surprised when he does the opposite. The boy can play but he’s got a find a consistent
level somewhere between the ‘beast’ that he was in the second half and the ‘dogshit’
that he was in the first.
The five subs all made good contributions and upped the
energy level. The goal in the end came from the one decent thing that Mara did
all game when his shot was parried away by Bachmann and Stuart Armstrong’s
finish from the edge of the box, reversing it into the near post, was
absolutely brilliant.
So overall it was a bit of a strange game with no one who is
not in the regular Championship starting XI, giving any cause to convince the
manager to think that they should be. Jack Stephens was ok at centre back but
we already know but he’s not good enough to challenge the two incumbents. Mason
Holgate had a good half as said earlier but the likes of Joe Rothwell, Sekou
Mara and Charly Alcaraz really didn’t do enough.I’ve seen it said that with the system and the style of play bedded in now, that players should be able to swap into it seamlessly but that’s simply not true. A number of these players are reserve players for a reason and you can maybe slot in two or three and if not weaken the team at all but if you slot in eight or nine, then there is an inevitable drop off No doubt those who didn’t set the world alight today, will be given another chance in the replay and be responsible for us trying to secure a thankless trip to Anfield in the 5th Round. It will be a chance to mess up Jurgen Klopp’s retirement party I guess.
The draw today is good for one thing in that it extended the undefeated run. If we get beat up at Anfield then no worries but I feel it was quite important to not get beat today, even with a weakened side. Bring on Rotherham away at the weekend and a mission to avenge the ridiculous dropped two points at St Mary’s.
Up the Fucking Saints.
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