Tottenham,Tottenham, no
one can stop them…. as Chas ‘n Dave sang. It was a shit song to be fair and Chas has
been gone a while and plenty of teams have stopped them since. We stopped them at St Mary‘s earlier on this
season when we turned up with a makeshift team because we were squad rotating
over Christmas when we thought we were playing Newcastle a few days later, then we made it hard for ourselves by getting a player sent off
in the first half but we still managed to hold them to draw.
It’s a different Tottenham we play today because Antonio
Conte has been there a while and the corpse of the team left by Nuno Espirito
Santo has been revived somewhat. Harry Kane now looks interested again and has
started scoring goals, so this game really isn’t going to be easy, especially
given that it’s at their new home, the Tottenham Hotspur Stadium. It’s a shit name – would have been much more
amusing if Daniel Levy had named it in honour of himself – The Super League European
Elite Teflon Arena or something. At
least they paid for it I guess, which is more than the Cat Kickers at The
London Stadium Dildo Emporium.
This is the game every year where the referees and VAR see
it’s Southampton away at a big club and go in dry. This usually happens because
some cheating little bastard in white has executed a perfect dive and cons of
the referee. It’s a two-stage process
now as well of course because then VAR find a way to back up the official. Last
year in the league it was Sergio Reguilon having a dive on the edge of the box.
To this day I still can’t see that that
was in the penalty area but of course the penalty got given, last minute, fuck
off. The year before that we played them
in the FA Cup and Son Heung Minge (no that’s not a typo - so called because he’s
a massive twat), dived over the top of our goalkeeper and won the penalty that
knocked us out of the FA Cup that year. Still, lovely bloke, breaks legs, dives all
the time, smiles about it…
Spurs dive about a lot and then all get round the referee, led by a Mr H.Kane. They did this earlier on in the season at St
Mary‘s with Emerson Royal being their latest recruited diver. They have got rid
of one of them though with Dele Alli moving to Everton. I see this as a really positive move for
Tottenham because it’s cleaning house of players who think they are better than
they are and ultimately, have very questionable attitudes. As a forward player in the modern game you
have to work hard when you haven’t got the ball and some just don’t have the
attitude for that.
Ralph caused a bit of a stir this week by saying in the
German ‘Kicker’ publication that he didn’t want to work in football after 2024
which is when his contract at Saints runs out. Immediately I saw some people
drawing comparisons with the end of Gordon Strachan‘s reign when it leaked out
that he wanted to leave at the end of the season, results duly plummeted and he
left early. I don’t think you can really use that as a benchmark for a number
of reasons. The first of which was that we had Rupert Lowe in charge so we were
only ever five minutes away from something destabilising happening anyway. The
second is the football has moved on and even less than they did in 2004,
managers don’t stay at clubs a long time and players are used to managers
moving on. What it does do is mean that he's less likely to get poached by a struggling big club.
The concern will just be the normal concern of having to find
a new manager to continue what will hopefully be an upward trend until that
time. When a relatively long serving manager makes it known that he is going to
leave, it doesn’t necessarily spell disaster. Everyone knew Sir Alex Ferguson
was leaving Manchester United but he still won the Premier League in his last
season. I think we’d take that.
There will of course be a media flurry with it and Ralph can
expect this question to come up in virtually every press conference he does
over the next few weeks and every time there is a slow news week over the rest
of his time at the club. I’m sure he
realised this before the article went to print.
Anyhow, back to tonight are starting line-up is back to
4-2-2-2 and it looks perfect to be quite honest. Fraser in goal, KWP and
Perraud full backs with Salisu and Bednarek in the middle. JWP and Romeu with
Elyounoussi and Armstrong on the wings. Of
all our wide players, these two are easily the best and Broja and Adams up
front promises a tough evening for Spurs. I’m looking at their midfield and
thinking we’ve got JWP and Romeu against Hojbjerg and Winks. I also think that
we are going to be a threat in the wide areas as neither Emerson or Reguilon
are particularly good defenders. However,
we ourselves have to defend properly because otherwise Kane, Son and Moura will
tear us apart.
Saints start going really well and only takes three minutes to create
for the first chance as Elyounoussi on the left clips a cross in with his right
foot which is beautifully flighted over the top of the Spurs defence and Che
Adams meets it about 5 yards out but in exactly the same way as last year, he
manages to smash it straight at Lloris instead of hitting the vast expanse of
open goal on either side of him and the chance went begging. Arse
Saints are playing so well and Spurs are struggling to get out but on more or
less the first occasion they do, there is a foul out on the left and a free-kick
to be taken from that area that we always struggle from. The Minge clips in and
Romero has a simple header into the net past Forster but the flag goes up
immediately. A quick replay shows Spurs have about six players offside, who are
still offside even allowing for the solid steel bollocks that our defenders
have. So, no drama at all really that
you can hear the disappointment in the voices of Ian Skate Darke and Glenn Tottenham
Hoddle on commentary for BT Sport.
The pressure is all on Spurs and they can barely get out of the defence but
they do so by accident as Sanchez panics and aimlessly boots it forward and
dissects our midfield and set Spurs on the attack. Wide it goes from The Minge to
Kane, who passes it over and sets Reguilon up with a sitter from 10 yards…. but
he shites himself and smashes it straight as a keeper. To be fair, Reguilon
must’ve been confused by wondering how we could incorporate a dive into this
passage of play. Never mind mate.
Another Spurs attack next and a big cross-field ball is eventually recovered by
Royal who knocks in field to Moura who plays a lovely reverse ball to the
overlapping Hojbjerg, who never did that when he played for us. His cross is
heading for The Minge but Bednarek was determined in his quest for the Premier
League Golden Boot of own goals and showed expert predatory movement to get in
front of the striker and smash it into the net. Fucks sake. We’ve been the
better side but find ourselves behind. When you see the replay, you can see that
Bednarek has slid in with the wrong foot. If he had slid in with his left, it
would’ve been a corner but he went with his right and has been unable to
control where the ball is gone.
Going a goal down just seems to have made us more intense and more determined. Elyounoussi produces a lovely bit of skill down the left to go past a clumsy looking lunge by Emerson Royal before teeing up JWP on the edge of the box and he goes for the near post and nearly catches Lloris out and a less agile goalkeeper than he would not of been able to get down and push it past the post.
From the next attack, it looks like Broja is going to get a shot away from the edge of the box but he wants it on his right foot and gets dispossessed by Sanchez who knocks it back to Davies and someone, somewhere played some tumbling clown music and the Welshman fell over on his arse and scooped the ball up into the air. Full-scale panic ensued and a bit of pinball before Perraud picked it up on the left and stabbed it across and there was Broja to side-foot powerfully past Lloris to deservedly make it one apiece.
Another chance a few minutes later and it’s a glorious opportunity to take the lead as KWP hooks it forward left-footed and Spurs defence gets caught flat-footed and Broja is away and behind them as he advances on Lloris from the right hand side and we wait for the net to bulge, he shanks it horribly wide of the far post but fear not Chelsea, we still want to sign him and we are quite happy for him to miss the occasional chance to keep the fee down.
We can’t keep missing these chances however and we get another one as we somewhat fortuitously win a corner over on the far side and then it comes from JWP, Lloris comes out flapping and misses it and it ends up with Salisu, diving in to head it but Davies manages to just about deflect it wide. Over comes this resulting corner, which gets knocked out as far as Perraud, who takes a touch and absolutely lashes it back at the near post and it pings off the angle of post and bar. Back it comes into the mixer again and Lloris is bouncing around like Tigger but he and Spurs just about gets away with it. Shit.
They get away with another one as a cross comes in and Hojbjerg leans into the ball, arm moving towards the ball, arm hits ball. For the next 30 seconds I’m waiting for the game to stop whilst we go off the Stockley Park but no, nothing. BT Sport show a replay – it’s as clear a handball as you like. Ian Darke and Glenn Hoddle don’t dwell on it for too long. Shite.
Half-time and now the fuck aren’t we winning. It’s hard to imagine that Conte will not do anything about it in the second half and that Spurs won’t be better. It’s also hard to imagine us managing to play with the same level of intensity for the next 45 minutes so there is a chance that we’ve missed out here. However, we have been so much better than them in this first half, there is hope it can continue.
Unsurprisingly, Spurs start the half better have a glorious chance as Reguilon gets down the left and gets over a really good cross which Harry Kane meets from all of 3 yards out but he sends his header down and it bounces up and over the bar as we are very fortunate. Glenn Hoddle spends the entire time the replays are showing, giving excuses for Kane missing a header from 3 yards. Ian Darke still has his trousers round his ankles.
Spurs are pressing us high and we’re not playing much football. After good work by Adams, Saints win the ball back and Perraud clips it down the wing towards Broja who gets absolutely poleaxed by Emerson Royal, who just smashes into him in the air. No free kick, Broja is down, the game doesn’t stop and Spurs work it to Kane, who knocks it through to Maura who plays in a lovely first time cross and there of course is The Minge to slide it into the corner of the net. Conte is going particularly celebration mental and then they show the replay of Royal's elbow making contact with the back of Broja’s head. I am not confident that they are going to go back as far as that with VAR even though the move started with it. Down on the benches it has all kicked off with all the support staff going at each other and Antonio Conte trying to shush the Saints bench, who are clearly giving the opinion that this is the usual bullshit we get here. Off we go to VAR.
“Coots!... Coots – can you hear me?”
“Not really Brooksy mate… Conte is on an acid trip of some kind, off his tits!”
“Tell him to shut up then”
“No way mate, he might explode… anyway, what’s up? Why are Saints going mental?”
“Spurs won the ball from Emerson smashing into Broja, elbow to back of neck”
“Didn’t see that mate, was looking at the clouds”
“Looked like a head injury and Spurs played on”
“Nah, not having it… Broja limps everywhere, every week, not having it mate”
“Even so, it was a definite foul and they scored from it
“Nah, there was two passes and three seconds between that and the goal, plenty of time “to reset.
“You’re the boss Coots – can you see the BT Sport commentary box from there?
“Yes mate, Ian Darke is jumping up and down in his Pompey kit and Hoddle is making “cut-throat gestures whilst looking straight at me.
“Goal then?
“Goal it is…
Like when we conceded the first goal, straight away we are back on the attack and Spurs, who as I said, had been playing a lot more aggressively and pressing a lot higher at the start of the second half, are suddenly back under pressure again and we are playing all the football. Do they think we’re done, and we’ll just roll over now? Winks makes an error in midfield and loses it to Broja who goes barrelling off towards goal and ignoring the pass he should’ve made to Adams, goes on before lashing a decent opportunity over the bar. Again, it’s all deliberate just to keep the price down.
On, on and suddenly Spurs can’t get the ball and we seem to keep it for a good minute, but this is passing with intent you can tell we are looking for an opening. Eventually KWP picks it up on the right-hand side and turns to find that Spurs have obligingly left JWP in acres and he fires over the first time cross and meets the run of Elyounoussi, who has jogged into the box and no Spurs defender picks him up, allowing him to glance it down and into the net and Lloris doesn’t even manage a dive. 2-2, come on! Ssssssssshutup Conte!
Two minutes later and we’ve pinned them back again. Perraud on the left hand side and his cross is flicked away but finds its way out to KWP again he thinks, you know, I will do this again and it just rolls it back to JWP who is again unmarked and once more, over comes the cross and this time he finds Che Adams at the back post unmarked and he powers the header in. Mental, 3-2 - Shhhhhhhhhhh. What the fuck is going on here? Ralph is pulling some Dad dancing moves down the touchline in front of the Spurs bench. As if we couldn’t love him any more at this point.
There are 10 minutes to go, and Ralph replaces the strikers with the excellent Adams and Broja being replaced with Long and Walcott – no drop off there at all. We reach 90 without any alarms and oh here we go, The Minge comes forward with the ball, bursts between two players and crashes to the deck with no contact whatsoever. Miraculously, David Coote doesn’t give it. He should of course book the diving twat, but you can’t have everything. Fuck off Minge. We survive and then Walcott tries to run the ball out of the defence and loses it. Spurs feed Kane and his crosses in the box is met by Romero and there is the sub Bergwijn to tap into the net. Fucks sake. Oh, hang on the second, we are going upstairs.
“Hi Brooksy… what’s the craic… good game isn’t it… 94th minute equaliser, 3-3”
“You’re not going to believe this Coots”
“What?”
“Bergwijn looks offside”
“He can’t be, it’s Spurs at home against Southampton, you know how it works”
“The guideline is “massive dive in the last few minutes, decision to Spurs”… can’t let this one go”
“Why not?
“Cos it’s clearly offside and no amount of pixilation, thicker lines or a broken etch-a-sketch will change that.”
“Fuck… I should’ve given that Son dive a few minutes ago”
“Nah mate. Even Big Mikey Dean couldn’t have given that one – it was fucking horrendous”
“OK then – offside – besides it’ll be funny seeing Conte lose his shit.”
“Certainly will Coots, make sure you take in the crushing disappointment in the Darke/Hoddle corner”
No goal - ha ha ha. Two minutes later and we’re done. Winning.
Get the fuck in there – wonderful result and also, you would be hard pressed to find anyone to argue that that wasn’t a deserved win. On the stats we absolutely murdered them in terms of shots, corners, possession and all that shit that doesn’t really matter. What does matter is the goals though and a 3-2 win up here is an absolutely fantastic result.
Apart from putting the ball in the net, the first half was as good a performance as you could possibly hope for. We kept the ball, we pinned Spurs back and we created endless chances but missed all bar one of them. We really should have been out of sight. Spurs pinned us back at the start of the second half until they went ahead and then they took a step back which allowed us to take over again and score our totally deserved identikit goals. In the battle of the managers there was only one winner with Ralph proving how good he is. It was particularly sweet because Conte got all mouthy after the second Spurs goal before being put completely back in his box by our two late goals and Ralph’s dance moves down the touchline. Love it.
I said at the start of the game that we needed a fair shake off the referee and in the main David Coote was pretty good. He didn’t buy the obligatory dive from The Minge as we reached the 90th minute but there were still two massive decisions that went against us though, the first being the penalty we should’ve got at the end of the first half when Hojbjerg clearly handled and the second one was of course the second Spurs goal. There is of course, always a bent goal when we play at Spurs away but this time it happened early enough that we could do something about it. I’ve seen it argued that it was a head injury, and you should stop the game straight away. That’s true but even if it’s not a head injury, that was a fucking foul as Emerson Royal just jumped straight into Broja. Karma bit Emerson firmly in the arse within 10 minutes though as he was the defender who was nowhere near Elyounoussi for the equaliser, and he was the defender nowhere near Adams for the winner. In fairness, Adams should have been Davisson Sanchez’ man. Same mistake twice in three minutes either way. Royal is their new £25 million right back and we had KWP who Spurs sold to us for half the amount. I find it hilarious hearing Spurs commentators and fans wanting him back at Spurs when he was there for five years and hardly played a fucking game. KWP was brilliant today – the most telling contributions being to two perfectly weighted passes he put back to JWP for him to swing the two crosses in first time.
Talking of Spurs commentators, I watched the game on BT Sport where we were treated to Ian Darke, who is what we call a skate bastard and what everyone else calls a Portsmouth fan. On co-commentary we had Spurs legend Glenn Hoddle. Hoddle is like Jamie Carragher in a way, in that his analysis is usually pretty good when it’s a neutral game but when he’s doing the analysis for his own team it’s ridiculously bent and painful to listen to – not as high pitched but still painful. When the discussions were going on about the second Spurs goal, he was desperately trying to find every single reason why it should be a goal and the Skate was just doing his usual “lost points from winning position” routine. Spurs dropped three points from a winning position today Ian and Saints didn’t drop any, but you didn’t mention it. Sorry to ruin your narrative…. and Glenn, Spurs were not robbed of an equaliser by VAR. You are not robbed if the correct decision is reached and that was clearly a correct decision. Everywhere you looked today they were fucking massive performances, from Fraser right through to Armando up front. The ones who are slightly more brilliant the others were the aforementioned KWP and his fellow full-back Romain Perraud, who was fantastic on the left-hand side along with Elyounoussi, even though the latter took about half an hour off at the start of the second half and then came to life for the last 15 when we started playing a bit more football again. Perraud’s improvement shows there is absolutely no reason to rush Livramento back into the team and this is of course the competition you want for places. JWP in the centre was an absolute machine and those two crosses for the two headers were absolutely superb but as everyone who only watches highlights knows, he’s just a free-kick merchant. Stuart Armstrong again showed just how much he has been missed this season so far and it was another absolutely top-notch performance by him.
Gone are the days of us caving in at the first setback. Brilliant today and keeping going, even though we were behind twice, missed the first half chances, didn’t get the penalty decision and the shambles over Spurs 2nd goal. Ralph’s interview with Peter Crouch and Franny Benali after the game was class – he basically said that they knew that we were going to get some dodgy decisions and it makes winning at big grounds even more difficult. I loved the way he kind of shrugged it off – I guess the £20k fine he got earlier in the season for nothing makes it a bit easier in a way.
Next up we have Manchester United on Saturday morning and they’ve had an extra day to recover so we are up against it but with the current mentality in the team, why not? The early kick-off gives us even less time, but today’s result makes Saturday a bit of a free hit, so let’s fucking hit it.
Today was one of the really great days and quite a good start to Ralph’s long goodbye. Up to 10th in the league and the expected drop-off hasn’t quite started yet.
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