Premier League Match 32 - Arsenal 3 Southampton 3

It Was Round About Now, That He Knew He Had Fucked Up

I’m not usually one for looking at stats for years gone by because they are not really relevant to 2023, but it is interesting to look at our record in league matches away at Arsenal in the Premier League and in Division 1 before football was invented in 1992. The last time we won a league game on the red side of North London was the 21st of November 1987 and the time before that was the 15th of April 1968 - Almost exactly 55 years ago.

The 1987 victory was courtesy of a goal by Rodney Wallace with our team including the likes of John Burridge, Jimmy Case, Andy Townsend and Glen Cockerill. Chris Nicholl was the manager against George Graham's Gunners, and the Gunners team that day included Steve Williams, one of our legends from the early 80s.  It also included some players who would win the first division title a couple of years later in John Lukic, Tony Adams, David O’Leary, David Rocastle, Michael Thomas, Alan Smith and Nigel Winterburn.

The aforementioned George Graham was an Arsenal player in the 1968 in our 3-0 win under Ted Bates, which came with goals from Terry Paine, Mick Judd and Joe Kirkup. The Gunners team also included future manager Terry Neill.

My combined team from the 68 and 87 line ups is

Eric Martin, Joe Kirkup. Derek Statham, John McGrath, Kevin Moore, Jimmy Case, Glenn Cockerill, Terry Paine, Mick Channon, Rod Wallace, John Sydenham

This team would give our current team a right pasting, even though a couple of them are no longer with us and some others are in their 80s. Mr Polo-Neck wouldn’t pick that team however because it’s got far too many attacking players on it. Channon and Wallace would be on the bench for starters, replaced by Jimmy Melia and Graham Baker.

Rodney - Ruben would have him on the Bench.

Our overall top-flight record on the red side of North London is won 2, lost 28 with 15 draws. You can safely say that history is not on our side. Of more relevance is that Southampton 2023 are shite.

Well it was fun researching that but now we have to get back to the non-fun of Southampton 2023. Zero expectation going into this one of course after writing another chapter of the Shitshow Manual on Saturday. I have no idea what the odds are on us winning this game but it must be about 200-1 if it was being realistic. I have no idea how many false nines we are going to have today but I’m sure that Selles has a master plan in the works that mean that we will move off the bottom of the table by the time everyone else plays on Saturday. Sarcasm doesn’t usually show up too well in print but I think I’ve managed it.

The Arsenal team of today is a scary proposition. When they had a good start of the season, everyone assumed it would just fizzle out but here they are, still top of the league as we get to the last seven or eight games. Manchester City have closed the gap in recent weeks so Arsenal will not be leaving anything out there today. They more or less always play a 4-3-3 formation with Gabriel Jesus leading the line and the twin threats of Saka and Martinelli on either side.

A further goal threat is provided by Odegaard who arrives from midfield in exactly the same way that Eberechi Eze did for Crystal Palace at the weekend. Of course, if we deal with that in the same way that we didn’t deal with Eze, then we are in for a bad evening. More goal threat is provided by their to holding midfielders Granit Xhaka and Thomas Partey who both strike a mean long-range effort. The defence is solid apart from the one obvious weak link which, due to the absence through injury of William Saliba, sees Rob Holding and his hair transplant getting a game. He is very average and wouldn’t even be a guaranteed starter in our team so that’s the one we have to target, preferably with a striker on the pitch. Wouldn’t it be just like us to give him a nice comfortable afternoon.

Again I’m wondering what the fuck Ruben Selles is going to do today. This game would normally be one that would be happy to accept getting nothing in but as we still need to give staying up a shot, we are now in the position where we have to try and win this game. His press conference the day before the game was the usual drivel, none of it suggesting that he was going to adopt a different approach that might actually score a fucking goal. I am so done with him. I saw it with Nathan Jones after three games and I’m seeing it with Selles already

To the team selection and it’s happened again.  More absolute fucking madness with the one random player being brought into the starting line-up, courtesy of winning the ‘Make-a-Wish’ Squad Player Raffle.  Today it’s Adam Armstrong replacing last week’s’ winner, Joe Aribo.  Armstrong of course, has been scoring loads of goals for the B Team and looking sharp when he has played in cameo appearances.  Big horrible lie there - he has done fuck all. The rest of the team is more or less as you would expect, with Elyounoussi coming back in for Sulemana because his defending is interpreted as being better.  Well that line-up will chase everything and should be disciplined but come on?

Saints kick-off and the ball gets launched down the right hand side where Arsenal win it and keep possession and knock it back to Ramsdale.  Ramsdale takes his time before trying to play a straight ‘eye of the needle’ pass into Zinchenko in midfield, which is read by Alcaraz, who takes a touch and finds a yard of space before firing past Ramsdale and into the far corner. What a fucking start that is. What a gift.

Arsenal are really all over the place with the nerves of the occasion for them and 10 minutes in and Arsenal try and play around the halfway line but Thomas Partey gives the ball away and Elyounoussi knocks it forward to Alcaraz, who takes it in his stride and waits for Walcott’s run on the right hand side in behind Gabriel before releasing the ball at exactly the right time for Theo to roll it into the net. What the fuck is going on here?  Two fucking nil.

Goal-Assist-Substituted

You know that Arsenal are coming back with Odegaard feeding Saka down the right wing and he lines up Perraud before beating him easily and pulling the cross back to where Martinelli volleys it into the net to make it 2-1. Shite. Too easy by far.

Saints are still attacking though with Perraud’s cross from the left being headed goalwards by Elyounoussi and fumbled by Ramsdale before Alcaraz hooks a shot back in forcing Ramsdale into a half decent save this time. The goalkeeper really is all over the shop, as are the usually reliable Gabriel and Zinchenko, who are not helping out Rob Holding’s hair transplant at all.

Zinchenko booms a ball up the left-hand side miles up in the air and Bednarek goes to head it and Martinelli deliberately makes a back for him with no intention of competing for the ball. Bednarek goes over the top of him and lands on his shoulder/head. Absolutely fucking vile cowards challenge by Martinelli but Simon Hooper sees fit just to give a free kick, as the motionless Bednarek lies on the ground. This is endangering another player, pure and simple but fuck all is done. Bednarek eventually gets back to his feet and he’s forced to be substituted. He doesn’t want to go but he has to and it’s only when Caleta-Car comes on as a sub that he seems to accept it. Two minutes later Martinelli takes on KWP who pulls him back and KWP of course gets booked. Should’ve picked him up and dropped him on his fucking head as that’s fine apparently.

After the substitution, Saints settle down and play some nice football in the Arsenal half before the ball finds Alcaraz on the edge of the box who gets dumped by Gabriel. It looks like a foul but of course we’re not getting given that and Arsenal break with Odegaard putting Saka away on the right-hand side. His delayed pass finds Gabriel Jesus running through but Baz makes a good block out for a corner. In comes the corner from Saka and it’s flicked goalward by White’s header and it’s over Baz and dropping in before Alcaraz gets back to head it off the line.

Half-time and winning. Never saw that happening.  Need to stay positive and make sure we give Arsenal’s dodgy defence something to think about in the second half.  There have been many games recently where I wanted the manager to make substitutions at half-time and he hasn’t done so and today is the opposite so of course, he does and of course, he takes off our best attacking player Charly Alcaraz.  What the fuck?  Absolutely everything we have done has gone through that guy.  So we're just gonna let Arsenal's dodgy defence have a free ride... fuck off!  It is very clear from sending Lyanco on that Selles is going to try and sit and hold this for the entire second half.  We’ve been good today because after the Ramsdale gift, we have posed some sort of attacking threat but we’re gonna end up with a flat back five now so the attacking threat's gonna disappear with just Adam Armstrong upfront, who has been absolutely hopeless so far.

The first 15 of the second half is just Arsenal camped in our half and trying to pick their way through.  We eventually decide to go forward with Lyanco starting it with a nice ball down the right hand side for KWP to find Walcott. Eventually it finds its way back to KWP who wins a corner.  In comes the corner from JWP, flicked on by ABK and there at the back post, to head in a goal Nathan jones would have been proud of, was Caleta-Car.  3-1 from our first foray into their half after half time.  The lesson should be – keep posing a threat.

JWP-ABK-DCC

With 20 minutes to go, though it’s still 3-1, it’s all Arsenal now.  Martinelli takes time off from dropping defenders on their head to clip in a lovely ball over the top of the defence which is met by Gabriel Jesus, who takes time off from diving any time the ball goes anywhere near him, to side foot the ball the over the bar.

Selles makes another couple of changes with Adam Armstrong being put out of his misery and the clearly tiring Walcott being replaced by Tall Paul, who goes up for on his own, and Sulemana, who takes Theo’s position on the right of what is now a 5-4-1 formation. It all goes pretty well for another 15 minutes or so with Arsenal sending on Trossard and Nketiah but Saints are still standing up well and then comes another substitution and it’s Romeo Lavia going off to be replaced by Ibrahima Diallo with the clock on 88 minutes.

Three minutes later and it’s 3-3. Martin Odegaard picks up the ball on the right-hand side and cuts across the top of the penalty area before curling in a shot with his left foot into the far corner, which gives Baz no chance at all.  Within a minute Trossard forces a ball into the penalty area to Gabriel Jesus, who lays it back to Nelson, whose shot his parried into the middle of the goal by Baz and there is Saka to knock it into the net for 3-3.

Needless to say there’s only one team looking like winning it and Trossard picks up a ball from Nelson, fakes to shoot before finally shooting from the edge of the ‘D’ and hitting the bar and seeing it fly over.

Every time the ball goes into the mixer it’s absolute carnage, usually ending with Gabriel Jesus throwing himself to the floor and whilst he was still on the ground and praying for a penalty that he was never going to get, the ball broke to Nelson who shot was deflected just wide courtesy of superb defending by JWP.

Another ball into the mixer by Trossard is brought down by Saka and goes free and once again, Gabriel Jesus hits the deck because he’s a cheating fucker and Saints get it away.  Sulemana has a sprint to the loose ball and after getting blocked American Football style by Odegaard, and then shoved out of the way by Nelson, Simon Hooper is in full ‘Arsenal comeback’ mode so he’s not going to give us anything.

The last Arsenal effort it’s from Thomas Partey, who true to form, doesn’t wait for anyone’s permission before he smashes one in there and over the bar from 30 yards.

And we survive…. But we’ve really lost and so have Arsenal.

What a game that was for the neutral but for fans of Saints and Arsenal, a draw does pretty much fuck all for anyone. Being in the position that we are in in the league and being the position that we were in on 88 minutes, we absolutely had to win that game but the substitution when Lavia went off and replaced with Diallo, gave us one extra player, to add to Elyounoussi and Tall Paul who are of absolutely no use whatsoever and it seemed to tip the balance and Arsenal got their two goals.

We are such a weird team. We have some truly excellent individual players and this will probably be borne out when they join other decent Premier League teams for next season. Unfortunately, we are going down with a manager who so negative and some utterly shit players who just kill you. It was really noticeable today that with it being a high-quality game against high-quality opposition, our shit players didn’t touch the ball.  Adam Armstrong must’ve touched the ball about five times all game, similarly Elyounoussi and Diallo and Tall Paul were basically training cones for Arsenal to pass around.

I was impressed in the main with the defending today and certainly the commitment. KWP and Perraud both played pretty well up against Arsenal’s best two players and even though both were on a yellow card from the first half, managed to stay disciplined throughout the second. All four centre backs used did well. Bednarek showed previously unseen qualities of fight and leadership after the disgraceful cowards challenge by Martinelli which went totally unpunished by the referee. He wanted to stay on and it was good to see him getting involved talking to the defenders during a break of play in the second half.   ABK was always there and had another good game, whilst Caleta-Car and Lyanco both got to the pace of the game straight away and played with aggression which was needed. Compare and contrast with Ibrahima Diallo it came on and didn’t have a clue what day it was and aside from one buccaneering stampede down the right hand side, Tall Paul was fucking hopeless.

Theo Walcott was impressive on the right hand side on his return to the Emirates and JWP and Lavia were excellent in the centre of midfield and of course it was when Lavia was substituted that it all went to shit.

A word for referee Simon Hooper, who has previously been one of my favourite referees.  On the plus side, he didn't buy any of the multiple dives by Gabriel Jesus and previously, he has not bowed to any of Bruno Fernandes ridiculous shit at Old Trafford.  However, he and his team got very caught up in the Arsenal narrative at times today.  The amount of injury time was a joke.  The first half injury time can be justified due to Martinelli dropping Bednarek on his head but 8 minutes at the end?  Really?  During that 8 minutes he totally forgot that Arsenal can commit fouls as well and NFL blocking is not a thing in our football over here.  As for the Bednarek fall - if that's not endangering a player then I don't know what is.

Tommy Cooper Makes the Lead Disappear - Just Like That!

It was a bizarre game for Ruben Selles.  We played well and a 3-3 draw at Arsenal is a decent result on the face of it.  I do feel that Ramsdale throwing us a goal so early was the only thing that made it a good starting formation.  The starting line-up was strange and the inclusion of Adam Armstrong, like the inclusion of Joe Aribo against Palace, was mind blowing.  The substitution at half-time to remove Charly Alcaraz was fucking mental again. He was by far our best player in the first half, scoring one, setting up another one, clearing one Arsenal effort off the line but he was taken off to enable us to go five at the back and Adam Armstrong who had barely touched the ball was left on. With that all of our attacking play disappeared for the first 20 minutes in the second half until we scored from the first corner that we won on the first attack that we had in the second half.  3-1 up and all was well and Arsenal were fizzled out but then he took Lavia off and brought on Diallo which was a dick move for two reasons – a vastly inferior player and any new player has to be instantly up to speed.  Unless Lavia was dead on his feet, leave him on.

For a brief period of time on the real-time table, we were off the bottom but it wasn’t to last and whilst a point at Arsenal is never a bad point, we had to win this in the same way that we had to win the away game of Manchester United against 10 men. I’ve said this loads of times this season, but we of course have to follow up this decent performance and result against one of the big boys, with beating Bournemouth on Thursday and once again the onus is on the manager to pick a team to go out and win that game.

It does look like we’ve handed at the Premier League title to Manchester City but I don’t really care about that. Today will probably prove to be a bit of a gurgle as we disappear down the plug hole and into the Championship though it does give hope that we can go to places like Newcastle and have a chance of getting something up there.  None of that of course will mean anything if we don’t beat Bournemouth and Fulham in our next two home games.

Up the fucking Saints