Carabao Cup Semi Final 1st Leg - Southampton 0 Newcastle 1

But I Didn't Mean to Punch It In The Net

Newcastle at home in the first leg of the Carabao Cup semi-final. I should be excited, so why aren’t I particularly. Maybe it’s because of the all-consuming Premier League and the fact we are bottom of it or maybe it’s the fact that this is a two-legged affair and we are playing against one of the form teams in the country right now.  Maybe it’s because we were so bad in our last game and deep down, I don’t think we have a chance in this as my belief in our players and our manager is at a pretty low point right now.  Due to the change of circumstances at Newcastle, we’re going to this tie as massive underdogs.

Straight after the shitshow against Villa, we got some transfer news with the arrival of a new striker to give us hoping the battle against relegation… no we didn't... we recalled Jan Bednarek from his loan at Aston Villa, where he has played a grand total of about 50 minutes this season. Jan of course spoke before engaging brain when he left, referring to his desire to go and play for a bigger club. Whilst it’s not untrue regarding the size of the two clubs involved, it’s not the sort of thing you say when you are leaving on loan but he said it, it’s done and now he’s back., hopefully with a little bit more humility about himself having totally failed to get into the Villa team on a regular basis. It is not often that a rat returns to a sinking ship.

With the transfer window still in full swing, Nathan Jones gets invited by journalists to comment and at some level, somehow, every time he opens his mouth, he puts both his feet in and make statements which I always find vaguely worrying. This week he has been talking about Janny B and Natty T (okay, I made the last one up).

Bednarek’s recall from Aston Villa on the one hand adds to squad numbers at centre back but on the other hand it’s indicative about the obsession that Jones has with getting as many physically big players in the team as possible. Yes, we let in goals from set pieces but that’s nothing to do with players not being tall enough, it’s to do with players not being good enough and not doing their jobs properly and you have to question whether Bednarek is any better than the centre backs that we have. To be honest, he isn’t.

At the other end of the pitch, Nathan Tella is not being recalled with a slightly weird justification that we already have Adam Armstrong who was good in the Championship. I mean, Adam Armstrong was good in the Championship two years ago whereas Nathan Tella is good in the Championship right now and I know who I would expect to score more goals between now and the end of the season in the Premier League if they played the same number of minutes.

Jones seems to be very much like Ralph was this season and that he is obsessed with the defensive side of the game and doesn’t seem to have any idea about the other end of the pitch, which is going to be what relegates us if we don’t sort it out.  This is always the justification for Elyounoussi being picked… because he’s a good player when we haven’t got the ball. The fact that he is usually one of the three players in the most advanced positions and he has next to no attacking output doesn’t seem to be an issue for the boy from the Welsh mining village.

Back to today and there is a narrative around Newcastle at the moment that somehow it is their destiny to win a trophy this year. They are building an incredibly good team up there without going down the Galactico route of just throwing ridiculous money every player but getting in players like Bruno Guimaraes, Kieran Trippier and Sven Botman has made a colossal difference and players that were previously there like Joelinton, Sean Longstaff and Callum Wilson, have improved immeasurably as a result of having better players around them. It does have to be said though that Newcastle always struggled to attract the top players but the change in the money circumstance there has certainly encouraged players to overlook the fact that it’s pretty cold out up there and a long way from London or even Manchester.

Because Eddie Howe and Newcastle have undeniably done well this year and Eddie is a fresh faced English manager who sits very well with the media, no one seems to be talking about the whole Saudi Arabia bullshit around Newcastle’s ownership.  To quote Kevin Keegan, former Newcastle manager, I would love it if we beat them, not least because of all the Newcastle fans I’ve been seeing on social media who are already booking hotels and transport for the final.  Saints have to have a siege mentality about this tie. Everyone in the media will be wanting Newcastle to win, maybe because the Saudi regime has been known not to be too tolerant with journalists who don’t toe their particular line. It’s all set up in their favour with the second leg being at St James’s Park so we have to have the attitude of “the whole world is against us, we will fucking show them”.

The team news gives two full debuts, which means there is going to be some sort of element of surprise at least with Mislav Orsic and Charly Alcaraz both starting. Sekou Mara is preferred to Che Adams and Ibrahima Diallo to Romeo Lavia and there is a place on the wing for Moussa Djenepo for some reason.  Newcastle have gone for 100% strength with Callum Wilson picked instead of Alexander Isak. The Geordies that I speak to in the pub are very confident and why wouldn’t they be. I hope to be able to return to the pub and talk to them with an element of smugness after the game has finished but I’m not expecting to be able to.

KWP has lined up on the right with Salisu at left back if we are playing with a four.  The first real attack is from Newcastle with Almiron driving down the seemingly vacant left-hand side of the Saints defence and carrying it almost to the edge of the penalty area before laying it sideways to the unmarked Willock who smashes it at the moon.  Was Salisu supposed to be there ?  Was Orsic supposed to be playing wing-back?  It’s hard to tell but we need to sort it out.

Trippier plays a ball down our left-hand channel again behind Salisu, and Caleta-Car comes out at the centre of the defence to meet Almiron and absolutely fucking trashes him. It’s a clear yellow card and that’s all it is but that doesn’t stop rat faced weasel Sean Longstaff getting in the referees to face and demanding more. Fuck off.  We manage to negotiate the free kick with no danger.

Another Newcastle break, this time down our right hand side this time Willock cuts in and has shot, which Baz saves well down low but in the almighty scramble it pops up off of Salisu and Joelinton controls it and smashes it in the net. Shit.  Oh hang on, the referees disallowed it.  No idea what for.  Maybe a foul on Salisu? This is right in front of me and I have no idea what that’s been disallowed for but we will take it.  Is there VAR today? Longstaff is in the referees face again telling him how to do his job. He is a prick.

Saints are alive and eventually show that we are going to have some sort of threat in this game and we get our first real look at what one of the new boys can do as Trippier gives the ball away in Newcastle’s half and eventually Diallo finds Alcaraz 35 yards out and he takes aim and it’s this swerving dipping effort which Pope very nearly makes a mess off as it bounces off him and goes for corner.

Nothing to See Here

Just before half-time, KWP chips one down the wing and Djenepo goes for it but outcome is not great as Nick Pope throws himself at the ball and Moussa, heads the ball and absolutely smashes into Moussa at the same time.  Pope has clearly got the ball but I guess the question remains with today’s interpretations of the rules, can it be deemed as being dangerous?  Stuart Attwell clearly uses the fact that he'd headed it to bottle making a decision.  It’s not as if he’s put his knee up or anything like that so I guess you can justify it that way but if an outfield player dived into a header like that elsewhere on the pitch, what would happen?  Moussa doesn’t recover though and so he’s off to be replaced by Adam Armstrong to play against the club that let him go when he was a youngster.

No changes at half-time but Saints come out with a bit more energy with Adam Armstrong nicking the ball off the giant Dan Burn on the right but Newcastle win the ball back and break with Almiron driving up our right and his cross along the top of the area is met by Longstaff who shows that whilst he can moan at referees all fucking day, he’s not actually very good footballer and he lashes in miles over the bar.

It looks for all the world that we are about to go behind as Almiron makes way down our left before squaring the ball across the 6 yard line where it takes a very slight deflection off of Lyanco but Joelinton has an open goal from 5 yards and side foots it in truly shit fashion into the Northam End.  He failed that particular test like he failed his drink driving test.  More carnage down out left where Orsic is doing his best as a left-wing back but he’s completely not suited to it. Another Almiron run and cross ends with Botman hitting the side netting on the far side.

Somehow we are still at 0-0 but we have a little spell which starts when Adam Armstrong picks up the ball and runs diagonally across the pitch towards the left-hand side before lashing a shot over the bar.  Orsic and Mara are replaced with Edozie and Adams with Edozie getting the left wing back chalice.  A long punt forward by Newcastle as easily controlled by Salisu and he passes it forward to Alcaraz and he slides a perfect ball, dissecting the Newcastle midfield and defence, to put Adams clean through.  No defender is going to catch him so it’s just Adams against Pope and the most predictable thing in the world happens as Adams kind of scuffs his shot and Pope sticks out a foot and saves it far too easily.

The Net not Rippling Again

Saints have a bit of momentum and are forcing Newcastle into mistakes. KWP is brought down by Willock and JWP curls in the freekick in between the defence and goalkeeper and it drops and Adams spins and hits it but Pope sees it well enough to get down and push it wide. Again, Che hasn’t really hit it.

Howe brings on Saint-Maximin and Isak for Willock and Wilson which makes Newcastle stronger with Saints having been in the ascendency for the last 10 minutes.  Schar brings the ball out for Newcastle and his pass flicks off Edozie and finds Isak on the right wing.  For some reason Caleta-Car is over there and not Salisu and Isak turns him and leaves him for dead before firing across and this time, even Joelinton can’t miss.  Shit.

Saints try to hit back straight away with Adam Armstrong running into a Newcastle defender in the ball bouncing back out to JWP. His cross is flicked on by Adams and hooked back in by Edozie and Adam Armstrong bundles in with a Newcastle defender and somehow the ball ends up in the net. Fuck me we’ve scored.  Looks like an own goal. Hilarious…. Oh here we go again. Fucking VAR, which I must admit, I didn’t realise was even a thing in the Carabao Cup.

"If it isn't my mate Stuart Attwell"
"Hi there Andre, how's it going - what about this goal?"
"Well - what do we want to end up with here?"
"Erm... well we want Newcastle to win Andre, Saudi, Sky and all that"
"We do... and everything has been perfect so far"
"So, anything wrong with the goal - did he push him or anything?"
"No mate, listen to this, he's played an airshot and then it's gone in off his hand"
"So, no goal"
"Correct - and the bonus is we don't even have to be bent"
"Why not?"
"Because it's a definite handball and because Southampton are shit and they won't score anyway"

And disallowed, apparently for handball well bollocks!

Lavia is on for Diallo, who is clearly knackered but he has had a decent game. Romeo is not quite up to the pace of the game gives the ball away deep in Newcastle’s half, which allows Saint-Maximin to drive forward from the halfway line and it gets to the edge of the box before Caleta-Car has to do something and unfortunately, he carts him over. No doubt how this is gonna turn out and a second yellow comes out followed by red.  It all gets a bit heated with a couple of Newcastle players getting involved who have nothing to do with the incident.

Now we just have to get to the end of the game only 1-0 down because if we let in a second, we might as well not even bother travelling.  In something I didn’t see happening a few days ago, Jan Bednarek comes on to replace KWP as we attempt to shut it down and gets a sadly predictable round of boos from a section of halfwits who think it’s gonna do us some good by booing your own players.  Guimaraes plays a decent ball through to Isak and this has 2-0 written all over it as he goes round Baz but fortunately, the angle runs out and he hits the side netting.  That might be costly against someone else.

And so we take a 1-0 deficit to the game at St James’s Park in a weeks’ time.  It might be only one goal but that basically means we have to score at least twice to go through and that really doesn’t look very likely at the moment after our second successive home game where we’ve drawn a blank.  Yes we had another goal disallowed by VAR but once again it was a pretty toothless performance in an attacking sense, aside from one decent effort from Adams which was well saved by Pope and one horribly predictable miss by Adams when clean through against the goalkeeper.  If that goes in then we are 1-0 up and the whole complexion of the tie changes but when Alcaraz superbly put him through and I realised it was Che, I kind of knew it wasn’t gonna end up in the net and the bigger problem is that Che knew it as well.  Adam Armstrong of course had a chance and managed to get the ball in the net but it was correctly ruled out for handball.  The handball wouldn’t have happened if he’d taken the original chance instead of playing an airshot.  Again, with Adam and Che, all the industry doesn’t make up for the glaring lack of quality and effectiveness in front of goal.

Goals…. It’s difficult to win games without them.  Attack-wise we were still pretty dismal and part of that is down to the players at Jones’ disposal and part of it is down to Jones being obsessed about the defence and getting the balance wrong. If Mislav Orsic is going to provide some goals and assists in this team, which is surely what he was bought for, then he is considerably less likely to do it having to play wing-back in this hybrid formation that Jones seems to favour at the moment.  I wondered at the time why we were signing a winger when Jones in general doesn’t use them as such.  In addition, essentially playing without a left back meant that Newcastle had most of their attacks down that side and the winning goal (and all their missed chances) came from that side.  The winning goal came because Caleta-Car ended up over on the left, where you don’t want your big centre back, got skinned and that was that.  If we’d had a proper left back instead of Orsic or Edozie, maybe they’d have been there and Duje could have been in the middle.

It’s positive that after the red card we managed to keep it to one, so we do have the slightest chance in the second leg. A second goal would’ve meant it wasn’t even worth travelling.  Having watch the incident again, Caleta-Car may well have given us a chance in that second leg by bringing down Saint-Maximin when he did.

You could not accuse us of not getting stuck in today with all the bookings that we picked up but unfortunately Caleta-Car picked up two of them and you couldn’t argue about either of them. Scything down Almiron after 20 minutes wasn’t the best and dangling his leg out to bring down Saint-Maximin was only going to end one way. In the aftermath, when it was obvious that he was going to be sent off, Jacob Murphy emerged from miles away from behind the proper players to give Duje a push in the chest and not content with that, then waved him off. I hope I’m reading about this in the morning in the context of Duje having flattened the little shit in the tunnel after the game.  It’s notable that the two that have stood out as being dickheads in the Newcastle side are Murphy and Longstaff, who are two of the Newcastle players who aren’t that good and who will doubtless be replaced as soon as the Saudi’s open the wallet again.

"I have Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you.  I will look for you, I will find you and I will kill you."

Whilst we’re on the subject of arseholes, Nathan Jones interviews go from strength to strength. Do you remember when Jan Poortvliet was the manager and after our fifth successive 3-0 defeat, he said that “we know how to make a goal”. Jones is already at that kind of level of delusion, referring to us as he did as “a good side”. Good sides don’t lose two consecutive home games, scoring nil and barely working the opposition goalkeeper. We played well today in the middle third but unfortunately, games are one and lost in the two penalty areas and good teams have it all going on in all areas of the pitch, not just one.  

Did we play well? I would say we play better than most of the games under Jones but that’s a pretty low bar and if your attack totally fails to fire, I don’t think you can say that you really played well as a team.  There were some positives today. Ibrahima Diallo was everywhere in midfield in a defensive capacity, but his passing was still incredibly ropey. It was a superb full debut for Charly Alcaraz who was always looking to drive forward and always managed to find time to play the ball forward. He simply has to come into the league starting 11 and he adds a bit of devil that all Argentinian players seem to have.

Despite what Nathan Jones thinks, defensively we were a bit all over the place today. KWP barely got a tackle in on the right-hand side and the centre backs all took turns in looking chaotic and we were bailed out by some shocking Newcastle finishing. I do like the fact that we defend more aggressively now and are not pushovers but the other end of the pitch needs sorting out or else it will be all for nothing.

We go into the 2nd Leg needing to score twice which is against the Jones method of trying to win every game 1-0.  With Newcastle not having let in a goal for 10 games, we won't score by sitting back.  An early goal and they might get a little nervous about things.  We have a punchers chance but only i f we actually throw some punches.  The trip to Newcastle is in a weeks time but before that we play Blackpool in the FA Cup 4^th Round.